Cuck Revival: Part 1

THE MEMORY

1

I’m so fucking drained.

That’s right. Sabihin mo yan sa sarili mo. Tapos isipin mo: pang-ilang beses ko na ba tong sinabi this month? This week? Everyday? Every fucking hour? See, here is your stereotypical corporate slave. Time in nang 9 A.M., time out nang 5 P.M., book ng Grab, commute, luto ng dinner, uminom nang alak because you wanna feel numb after a long day’s work, matulog nang lasing, gigising ng 7 A.M., book ulit ng Grab, commute, tapos time in na naman. Lagi’t lagi na lang. You’re officially becoming a cliche. 

I’m so fucking drained.

Yeah, you are. But you can’t do anything about it. Alangan naman magresign ka? Resign na resign ka na, oh my god, yes, resign na lang tapos balik na lang tayo ulit sa time na hawak ko ang sarili kong oras, nakikipagmeet nang kung sinu-sino, tinitira at tumitira nang kung sinu-sino, pero mayaman pa rin. But no, you have to work hard, because people think you work hard, because people think you are great at what you do, because people think you have it all figured out. People think you are a golden boy, the ultimate inspiration, the twitter hottie who has it all. You know that, you very well know that, but you don’t agree with them publicly, you remain humble. Because you have an image to uphold, you need to be the goody two shoes that you are. Hey world, look at me. I’m so perfect, and I’m not even trying so hard. Look at me but god I hope you don’t realize that I want you all to look at me. Desire me. Fuck me like how life fucks me - senseless.

I’m so fucking drained.

You take a sip of the wine you have in your hand, and you reflect: When have you ever gotten a good fuck? Mind-blowingly good fuck, the roll-your-eyes-fall-down-on-the-bed-exhausted fuck? Yung hindi kailangan ng poppers to turn you on. You’ve had so much sex in your life, even the chocolate ones seemed so vanilla. Every fucking time, you need poppers. You are so bored. You’ve had so much relationship shit before, and you’re too scared to love again. I wanna enjoy and fuck around but I can’t catch a break, rant mo sa sarili mo. All the kindness that you show, the golden-boy aura that you exude, you all do that to maintain balance: ayaw mong madisrupt ang kung ano mang cosmic karma shit na meron sa mundo. You’re in a good place now, but you’re so fucking bored.

No one knows how chocolate you can be. Baka nga black forest mo. Or darker than the darkest chocolate. You push all your desires deep down, tinatago mo. Because when people know how evil, how mean, how sex-starved you can be, there will be judgment. Everyone thrives on judgment, that’s how they feel better about themselves. 

But I wanna feel good. Nasan na ba ang tamang lalake? 

Sure ka bang binibigay niya? Sure ka bang alam niya talaga kung ano gusto mo? 

Hindi. And I won’t ever tell whoever guy that is what I want. Magugulat siya.

Of course he will be. No one wants to admit that they wanna be sluts. No one wants to admit na exciting ang bawal. In your case, ayaw mong sabihin na kating-kati ka sa titeng tali na, at kating-kati din ang tite mo sa pwet na tali. But no, that’s taboo. The guy will never understand that you find homewrecking so hot. It’s the perfect disruption to your routine. You know deep down that disruption excites you. Anything different from your routine turns you on. 

Remember the married guy last month?

2

Of course you do. Maaga kang umuwi, you had to skip the rest of the day from work kasi nahihilo ka. Sobrang puyat kasi. Pumayag naman si boss. Nice one. Only pagkauwi mo, you took of your clothes, went to the bathroom, and douched yourself like hell. Yan ba ang may sakit? 

Hindi, yan ang may booking, sabi mo sa sarili mo nang natatawa. Buti na lang single ka na. Buti na lang, perfect ang nahanap mo sa Grindr. At buti na lang, mahaba din ang kargda.

Now that’s a routine disruptor.

Hindi ka kumain nung araw na yun. If you’re gonna have that monster dick inside you, you better make sure you’re clean down there. You fasted, and then you douched. You took two capsules of Diatabs for good measure. You made sure all the dirt inside are flushed out. My god, buti na lang ang galing ko magdouche. 

Because you’re such a slut for dick. A hard, girthy, long dick that fits well into your hole. A partnered dick. A dick who should have belonged to others, pero mas gusto pasukin ang butas mo. It’s been a while since you’ve been a homewrecking cocksucker, and oh my fucking god how you’ve missed it! NOW JUDGE ME, WORLD!

 Paulit ulit mong nilinis ang butas mo. Even the douche is turning you on so much, you’re hard down there. 

Eto na yun, yung kahit walang poppers kaya kong tigasan. Paulit ulit mong pinapasok. Fuck, parang dildo lang. Ang sarap. 

Ginagawa ko naman to usually, pero bakit iba ngayon?, tanong mo sa sarili mo. Alam mo naman ang sagot. It’s the disruption. It’s the married dick. It’s your penchant for homewrecking. It’s because finally, you get to be the mean slut that you are. Oh god, ang sarap sa feeling maging special no? Ang pagpantasyahan ng ibang lalake na tali na. Ang makitang kumukunot ang noo ng sinasakyan mong lalake, nakabuka ang bibig, nakahawak sa beywang mo, habang patuloy kang kumakabayo sa burat niyang tigas na tigas para sayo, pero hindi sa boyfriend/girlfried niya. 

Lumabas ka sa banyo nang matigas pa rin. Sinuot mo yung jockstrap mo, yung favorite ng partner mo pero ngayon magiging favorite na rin ng lalakeng kikitain mo. Tumayo ka sa harap ng full-body mirror mo. 

Yes, you are the golden boy. Porselana ang kutis. Chinito. Lean, with the right amount of muscle in the right places. Twunk. Your smile dazzles. Your eyes hypnotizes. Your whole face does not betray the slutty homewrecker within. Who would have known that such a good boy like you could break relationships? Pinadaan mo ang kamay mo sa katawan mo. Inisip mo kung Ilang lalake na ang napahiyaw mo sa ganyang katawan.

“Putangina ang sarap mo, P—!”

“Fuck, sana ikaw na lang boyfriend ko!”

“Ang kinis mo, mas makinis ka pa kesa sa kanya!”

“Ang galing mong sumubo, pucha! Sige pa!”

“You’re fucking good, P—! Sarap mo araw-arawin!”

Inisip mo kung Ilang lalake na ang nag-enjoy sa butas mo habang sinasakyan mo sila. Ang sikip-sikip mo raw. Kahit ang dami nang nakapasok sa butas na yan, masikip pa rin. Kahit ikaw hindi mo maexplain. Must be the genes. Your mouth should be one of the wonders of the world, sabi nila. You’ve tasted so much dicks you know how to make guys feel good about theirs. And you’re not ashamed by it. In fact, nung araw na yun, habang nakatingin ka sa salamin, sobrang turned on ka na. Kahit hindi ka pa pumupunta sa condo unit ni Daddy, naglileak ka na.

Nagbihis ka. Ang higpit ng jockstrap sayo, halos lumuwa ang pwet mo sa higpit. Just the way guys like it. God, super high ka na nun sa libog. Kelan ka ba huling nagloko? 3 months ago? 4 months? Nagpabango ka, pero hindi ganun karami. Alam mong mababaliw silang dilaan ang katawan mo, baka maglasang bitter pag masyadong maraming perfume. Alam mong ibobody worship ka nila, much as ibobody worship mo rin sila. That’s how you drive guys wild. Take note, gays. Body worship is key. Make your partner feel like a god. Put that tongue to work.

You felt fresh, you felt good about yourself that day when married guy met you and fucked you. But most of all, you felt so dirty. Let’s do a short recall of what you and he did.

3

Deed # 1: Both of you turned off your phones. No messages from partners. He’ll make excuses na lang afterwards. Nalowbatt siya, walang signal, nakatulog. His husband wouldn’t know. Good boy si Daddy eh.

Deed # 2: No poppers, too. Just raw lust. No drug inducements. You reasurred Daddy na kakayanin without poppers. And yes, kinaya nga.

Deed # 3: The moment you went in his condo unit, sinunggaban ka na ni Daddy. Daddy was a hunk. Daddy was a god. Daddy had muscles to match Chris Hemsworth. Daddy looked like Luis Hontiveros. Daddy had his dick so hard, it was bursting out of his shorts. Daddy was commando. Daddy was growling. Daddy was horny for you. Not for his husband.

Deed # 4: He licked your nipples. He tried biting them. You encouraged him. Tumingin si Daddy sayo at biglang nilamon ang mga labi mo. Libog na libog na siya. Apparently, pareho kayong turned on sa paglolokong ginagawa niyo. Pareho kayong nasasarapan sa bawal.

Deed # 5: “Putangina, ang sarap mo, P—! Sana ikaw na lang asawa ko!”, sabi ni Daddy habang nakatuwad ka sa kama. Binubuka niya ang hiwa mo. His tongue is attacking you viciously. Good god, parang burat na rin ang dila niya, naisip mo. Umungol ka: that cute, conyo Chinoy moan that all of your guys loved.

“Ganyan nga baby. Fuck, ang sarap mo,” ungol ni Daddy. He was growling at you. Ang lalim ng boses. Barakong barako. Nagsimula kang magjakol habang niri-rim ka, pero pinigilan ka. 

“Wag ka magjakol. Lalabasan ka niyan kaagad. Susulitin kita,” sabi niya. Natakot ka kay Daddy. Pero lalo lang tumigas ang burat mo.

Deed # 6: You were on top of him. He’s moaning so loudly. Buti na lang soundproof ang mga dingding ng condo niya. Kinikiskis mo yung pwet mo sa burat niya. Hindi mo kelangan lawayan. Hindi mo pa nga chinuchupa, madulas na dahil sa precum. Oh god, ang tigas mo Dad, ungol mo. Tinaas niya ang kamay niya at hinawakan ang pink mong nipples. Umupo siya at patuloy na kinain ang utong mo habang kinakabayo ng hiwa mo ang burat niya.  

Wag mong kagatin Dad ha, reminder mo sa kanya. Mahirap na, baka mahuli ka pa.

“Yes, baby,” ungol ni Daddy habang palipat-lipat siya ng kain sa dalawa mong utong. Lumiyad ka pa lalo. Yang ganyang body language ang gustung-gusto nila. Pinaramdam mo na nasasarapan ka. He responded to what you did, at pinagapang niya ang dila niya pababa.

Deed # 7: Yes, chinupa ka ni Daddy. Hindi mo inexpect. Akala mo pure top siya. But no, he was so turned on sayo na sinubukan ka nyang chupain. After all, ikaw yan eh. The top converter. Hindi lang chupa ang ginawa first time niyang ginawa nung gabing yun.

Deed # 8: Pinatuwad ka rin niya ceiling-to-floor window na meron sa unit niya. He fucked you so hard, you were leaking through your jockstraps. He had an 8-inch monster, and you took it like a pro. He was not disappointed at all.

“Tangina, hindi yan kaya ng asawa ko,” ungol niya.

Fuck, talaga ba?, sabi mo habang sinikipan mo yung butas mo. Muscle control, bitches.

“PUTANGINAAAAAA ANO YUN!”

Something your wife can’t do, apparently, sagot mo. Oh, how mean you are! Napakagat-labi ka. Ganyan nga, Daddy. Pasok mo lang.

“Fuck you, P—! PUCHAAA ANG SARAP MO TIRAHIN!” sigaw ni Daddy habang lalo kang sinandal sa bintana. Kitang-kita nang buong Ayala Avenue ang katawan mo. Bahala sila, mag-enjoy sila sa show. Pinasok ka nang pinasok ni Daddy.

Fuck, sige pa Dad.

“ARGHHHH! HMMMP!”

Ah putangina ang sarap!!!

Inabot ni Daddy ang mga labi mo at hinalikan ka, habang patuloy kang kinakadyot. Ang isang kamay niya naman, pumunta sa burat mong kanina pa naglalawa. Sinimulan niyang batehin ka. Lalo kang nalunod sa libog. This is it, naisip mo. Eto yung sex na hindi kelangan ng poppers.    

Deed # 9: You were riding him so hard. Nakasandal siya sa headboard. Nakataas ang pareho niyang kamay sa likod ng ulo niya. Ang sarap niyang tingnan with his armpits. And you returned the favor of this delicious sight you’re seeing by riding him so well.

“Hindi ganyan sumakay ang asawa ko, puta ka!” sigaw niya hawak-hawak ang bewyang mo. Lumiyad ka habang nakasakay, at lalong napalakas ang hiyaw ni Daddy. Inabot niya ang burat mo at sinubukan ka ulit chupain. Tumirik ang mga mata mo.

Ang sarap talagang maging vers, isip mo. Kinakantot ka habang may nakachupa sayo. Lalo mong diniin ang kadyot ng pwet mo. Pag pababa, pasok na pasok ang burat ni Daddy. Pag pataas, pasok na pasok sa bunganga ni Daddy. Ilang minuto kayong ganyan. This is heaven. Kahit ang ex mo, hindi kayang gawin yun. Fuck, this is what I want!

“ARGHGHHHG!”

Sarap ba ha? Sarap ba kong chupain?, tanong mo kay Daddy.

“Fuck baby, ang sarap mo! Hindi ko chinuchupa ang asawa ko!”

Lalo mong binilisan. Lalo siyang nabilaukan. At lalong humigpit ang butas palibot sa burat niya. Lalong lumakas ang hiyawan. Bigla niluwa ni Daddy ang burat mo. Fuck, why? Ang sarap na eh!

Nagulat ka nang bigla ka niyang pinahiga. Biglang nabakante ang butas mo. Ang lakas nung tunog ng pagbakante, halatang malaki yung nanggaling sa loob. Nakatingin ka pataas sa kanya. Tayong-tayo parin ang burat mo. Pareho na kayong naglalawa. Pareho na kayong libog na libog sa isa’t isa.

“Ako naman,” sabi ni Daddy. Pumaibabaw siya sayo.

Deed # 10: Yes, you fucked him, too. It’s a great thing to be a vers, no? You get the best of both worlds. Well, yung totoo, he rode you. He rode you like a slutty top that he is. Ang taas ng success rate mo for top conversions. You had one that night. That’s how turned on he was for you. He was willing to be a bottom for you, something na hindi niya nagawa para sa asawa niya. Wait, may asawa pa ba siya?, naisip mo. Sa ginagawa niya ngayon, parang wala eh. Parang ako lang ang lalake sa buhay niya. And you loved that, that special attention given to you. Na ikaw lang ang center of universe ni Daddy.

Unti-unti siyang umupo sayo. You mentioned na vers ka sa kanya, so he must have prepared beforehand. Ganun ba siya katurned on sakin? Na nagprepare ka talaga? But you stopped thinking about it so much. Better enjoy the moment.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Iba pa rin talaga pag burat mo na ang nakapasok sa butas ng iba. Ibang klase ang hawak at higop na hindi mapapantayan ng kahit anong bunganga.  You wondered if your hole felt as good? Ganito ba nafi-feel ng tops sakin if ako ang sumasakay sa kanila? Because shit, ang sarap sa feeling nito.

Dad, ang sarap moooooo, ungol mo sa kanya.

“Dahan-dahan, baby,” kaba niyang sabi. Unti-unti siyang bumaba sayo. Nang makapasok na, nakangiwi siya. 

Relax dad, sasarap din yan, sabi mo.

“Sorry, first time ko,” tawa niyang sagot. “Ang sakit.”

Relaxxxxxx. Tumingin ka sa burat niya. Hindi man lang siya lumambot sa sakit. Naglalawa pa rin ang burat niya. He’s so fucking turned on.

Ang tigas mo pa rin, gulat mong sabi.

“Yeah, ang hot mo eh,” ngumiti siya sabay kagat-labi. Lalong tumaas ang libog mo. Hinuli mo ang mga labi niya at nilamon siya ng halik. Pinahiga mo siya nang dahan-dahan.

You’ll enjoy this, Dad.

Deed # 11: You fucked the entire night. There were no drugs, no enhancements. None. But you were hard for each other the entire night. Two lost souls, looking for a disruption. Looking for excitement. He didn’t have a husband that night. You only had each other. At sinulit niyo.

  Malapit na ko dad, ungol mo habang nakasakay ka sa kanya. Third round niyo na, and this time pinakita mo talaga how great of a bottom you are. That you can make your top cum hard, even on the third round. The sun is rising. Alas singko na. You never slept. You just fucked.

“Yes baby, ride that cock. Sige paaaaaa!!!”

You showed him how good of a rider you can be. Giniling mo, tumaas ka at bumababa, nilapirot mo ang utong niya. Hinahayaan ka lang niyang gumalaw. Nakakapit siya sa beywang mo. Sinasagot nya ng kadyot ang bawat baba mo. Sinasagad ka niya. Wasak na wasak ka na tonight, pero patuloy ka lang. Kelan ba mauulit to? Hindi na siguro. Sulitin ko na. Tama ka dyan, sulitin mo na ang pagiging pokpok mo. Samakalawa, uuwi na ang partner mo.

“OH FUUUCK, LAPIT NA KO, LAPIT NA!”

Sabay tayo, Dad.

“YES BABY, SIGE LANG SIGE LANG I’M ALMOST THERE!”

Oh fuck, Daddy, fuck that feels so good…

“BABY IKAW NA LANG SANA FUUUUUCK IKAW NA!”

Yes, fuck me, balik ka please, tanginaaaa ayan na ko.

“PUTOK MO BABY I’M CUMMING FOR YOUUUUUU!”

Shit, shiiitttt, fucking shiiiiit.

Both of you came hard. You never came that hard since forever. He never did for his husband. 

Oh what sluts you are. 

    

4

Napatigil ka bigla sa pagpapantasya. Libog ka na. Ang tigas na ng burat ko. Bakat na bakat ngayon sa shorts mo. Enough of that, self, sabi mo sa sarili mo. That was many months ago. Bu-booking ka pa, di ba? You need that disruption NOW!

BRRRRRT!

Ah, yes, the Alter/Grindr phone. The spare phone that you have that no one knows you use. The one with the unknown number. The one hidden in your sock drawer. Yung isa mo pang phone na ikaw lang nakakaalam. Mabuti na lang, kahit na routine na ang buhay mo, may mga bagay pa rin na nagbibigay ng disruption. Mabuti na lang, andyan pa rin si Alter phone. 

For emergency purposes lang naman.

Ha! Sige na nga. For emergency purposes. Gotcha. Is tonight an emergency?

I don’t know. Depends.

Depende sa source ng BRRRRT! Sound?

BRRRT! BRRRRT! That many messages, huh?

You open the phone. Nakalimutan mo sa sobrang pagmuni-muni mo na nabuksan mo pala siya kanina pagkauwi mo. Yung nag-iisang item sa routine mo na ayaw mong tigilan: ang pagbukas ng Alter phone pagkauwi. Your Alter phone is your bestfriend. In times of need, your Alter phone is the most reliable. When you need a disruption, Alter phone’s got you.